THE BIG NIGHT

So, after months of planning and promoting, the big night is finally here. My CD release show happens tonight at the Royal. I'm surprisingly calm right now. I really felt I've done all I can do at this point so there's nothing for me to fret about. Sure, the band could have used a couple more rehearsals, it won't be perfect, but it will be fine. I think it's going to be a great night tonight and I'm looking forward to it. The only thing that has me bummed out is ... once again ... the "boy". After sharing a remarkably intimate evening together (and I'm NOT talking about sex) I felt like we had finally started on a road towards something special. Instead, 2 weeks later, I've only spoken with him a total of five minutes, he hasn't returned my calls, he won't be there tonight and hasn't even called to wish me well. Why the 180 degree change is quite beyond me. It hurts, but I'm not going to let the little fucker ruin one of the biggest nights of my life. This night will definitely be in the top 5 so far because it's a fucking milestone. And someone who supposedly cares about me can't make the effort to pick up the phone and say good luck or I'm thinking of U.

Well, c'est la vie. Last time we were together he asked me 2 write a song about him. Well, I know now it's damn sure not gonna be a love song.

Onwards and upwards. 2005 will be the year of the DEVIANT!

"I finally got 3 words 2 sing ... I'm coming out!"